Compassion Over Criticism: Navigating Internalized Oppression and Hidden Identities in Caregiving

By Olivia Bocchetti, MSS Intern (Bryn Mawr University) 3.30.26

What is Internalized Oppression?

I have a presentation coming up in class on internalized oppression, and it really got me thinking about how this concept shows up in all of our lives—often without us even realizing it.

At its core, internalized oppression happens when individuals begin to absorb and believe negative messages, stereotypes, or expectations that society places on them. Over time, these external messages seep inward, quietly shaping:

• How someone views their own self-worth.

• What they believe they are capable of.

• How they talk to themselves.

  
  

This struggle isn't always loud or obvious. More often, it shows up quietly as persistent self-doubt, a constant feeling of being a "burden" to others, or a deep-seated belief that you shouldn’t ask for help.

How This Shows Up in Caregiving

When we look at the caregiving dynamic, these internalized messages can impact both you and your loved one:

For Your Loved One:

A person living with aging, chronic illness, or dementia may begin to internalize negative societal narratives about decline. They might start to feel "less than," believe they are a burden to their family, or feel like they are losing their core identity.

For You, the Caregiver:

Caregivers frequently internalize the high-pressure expectation that they must "do it all" without complaining. This can manifest as a belief that asking for support or admitting that you are struggling is a sign of weakness or failure.

We all carry parts of ourselves that we keep hidden—identities, emotions, fears, or struggles that we don’t always share with the world. And we all navigate these heavy experiences in our own unique way.

This Week’s Practice: Choosing Compassion Over Criticism

This week, I invite you to practice mindfulness around these hidden feelings, both for your loved one and for yourself.

• 🗣️ Gently challenge negative self-talk: When that inner critic tells you that you aren't doing enough, remind yourself of how much love and effort you pour into every day.

• ❤️ Remind your loved one of their value: Intentionally highlight their presence, their history, and what they still mean to you—separate from their care needs.

• 🤝 Permit yourself to ask for help: Requesting support is not a failure; it is a necessary part of sustainable care.

• 🌿 Create a non-judgmental space: Build moments in your day where both you and your loved one feel truly seen for who you are, without the weight of expectations.

  
  

Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is simply recognize that these invisible feelings exist. Let's choose compassion over criticism this week.

Hope you all have a joyful & restful week. I will see some of you later this week!

Olivia Bocchetti

MSS Intern, Bryn Mawr University